My kid has lots of integrity!

There really are SO many great articles about empowering our strong willed children. This was another great find by Dr. Laura Markham called Parenting Your Strong-Willed Child. Here are some of my favorite parts.

"Have a strong-willed child?  You're lucky! 

Strong willed children can be a challenge to parents when they’re young, 

but if sensitively parented, they become terrific teens and young adults.  

Self-motivated and inner-directed, they go after what they want 

and are almost impervious to peer pressure.  

As long as parents resist the impulse to "break their will," 

strong-willed kids often become leaders." 

"When their heart is set on something, 

their brains seem to have a hard time switching gears.  

They have big, passionate feelings and live at full throttle."

In this article Markham pushes looking for a Win/win situation. Markham also calls the strong will a type of integrity. How much better does that sound, 'My child is strong willed' versus 'My child has a lot of integrity.' I just LOVE that!!

Markham gives ten tips

Use routine and rules to avoid power struggles- Have kids do things because it is a rule and not what you want.

Give them the control- If they feel they have a say, then there won't be a power control fight.

Choices- Oh yes this one makes a world of difference for us! A great example is my little man is such a picky eater and it became such a battle every mealtime. We actually all started dreading mealtime. That is until we created a whole cupboard of healthy foods. Now at meals, I tell him to go pick out his lunch. We still have battles but they are very far and few between.

Let them be in charge of their body- Markham has a great example of this in the article. She even goes on to explain how it can be a chance to learn more.

When you want to win they want to win too- Is it worth us winning everything to break the integrity out of our children?!?! It is hard to set back, but so much more worth it.

Do not force anything on them- Yes follow the rules but do not make them want to do something that then never wanted to.

Listen to them- A lot of the times there is a reason for why they do something. In my case, this is easier said then done due to my little man's speech delay. But I have learned, and am continuing to learn, signs in his behavior and then trusting that there is more to it then I see. Sadly, I can not even count the times were I fought my little man on something, to find out he had a very good reason or intention. Yeah I did not feel good after those battles, let me tell you. Not only listen, but learn to trust them. If you trust them, they will trust you.

See it from their perspective- This is a great tie in from the last point. Taking a step back, and trying to imagine how they are feeling/seeing things can make a huge difference

"The more you fight the more you undermine her desire to please you"- That says it all!

Offer respect and empathy- Even if we can not give them what they want we should show that we understand how they feel.

 This article is only a page, so I highly recommend reading it!