Anne with an E

I am currently reading Anne of Green Gables. And to be honest, I think every parent of a strong willed child should read this book, or at least watch the movie. The entire book is about a strong willed child. L.M. Montgomery does an AMAZING job of illustrating what a strong willed child is, what they are like as a child, how difficult they can be to parent, how much they can change their parents for the better, and how amazing of an adult they can become. And Montgomery even makes you fall in love with Anne and her quirkiness. No wonder it is a classic!

My kid has lots of integrity!

There really are SO many great articles about empowering our strong willed children. This was another great find by Dr. Laura Markham called Parenting Your Strong-Willed Child. Here are some of my favorite parts.

"Have a strong-willed child?  You're lucky! 

Strong willed children can be a challenge to parents when they’re young, 

but if sensitively parented, they become terrific teens and young adults.  

Self-motivated and inner-directed, they go after what they want 

and are almost impervious to peer pressure.  

As long as parents resist the impulse to "break their will," 

strong-willed kids often become leaders." 

"When their heart is set on something, 

their brains seem to have a hard time switching gears.  

They have big, passionate feelings and live at full throttle."

In this article Markham pushes looking for a Win/win situation. Markham also calls the strong will a type of integrity. How much better does that sound, 'My child is strong willed' versus 'My child has a lot of integrity.' I just LOVE that!!

Markham gives ten tips

Use routine and rules to avoid power struggles- Have kids do things because it is a rule and not what you want.

Give them the control- If they feel they have a say, then there won't be a power control fight.

Choices- Oh yes this one makes a world of difference for us! A great example is my little man is such a picky eater and it became such a battle every mealtime. We actually all started dreading mealtime. That is until we created a whole cupboard of healthy foods. Now at meals, I tell him to go pick out his lunch. We still have battles but they are very far and few between.

Let them be in charge of their body- Markham has a great example of this in the article. She even goes on to explain how it can be a chance to learn more.

When you want to win they want to win too- Is it worth us winning everything to break the integrity out of our children?!?! It is hard to set back, but so much more worth it.

Do not force anything on them- Yes follow the rules but do not make them want to do something that then never wanted to.

Listen to them- A lot of the times there is a reason for why they do something. In my case, this is easier said then done due to my little man's speech delay. But I have learned, and am continuing to learn, signs in his behavior and then trusting that there is more to it then I see. Sadly, I can not even count the times were I fought my little man on something, to find out he had a very good reason or intention. Yeah I did not feel good after those battles, let me tell you. Not only listen, but learn to trust them. If you trust them, they will trust you.

See it from their perspective- This is a great tie in from the last point. Taking a step back, and trying to imagine how they are feeling/seeing things can make a huge difference

"The more you fight the more you undermine her desire to please you"- That says it all!

Offer respect and empathy- Even if we can not give them what they want we should show that we understand how they feel.

 This article is only a page, so I highly recommend reading it!

From another parent's mouth...

I found this post today and I loved hearing about how this mother, Sadi Johnson empowered her son. The article is Strong-Willed Child: A Positive Approach. I loved how open Johnson was about what worked, what didn't work, and even a few mistakes she has made. 

There were three things that Johnson found to make a significant difference for her son. They are: 

• Being consistent and confident in discipline

•  Praise and offer love

• Direct child's energy to positive use

 I have found these to be true with my little man. I will admit I don't carry them out the same way as Johnson does, but I found a way to carry them out that works for my son. All children are different, and I think strong willed children are even more unique. Even after figuring out you have a strong willed child, it doesn't mean they will be even close to any other strong willed child. For example, Johnson's son was strong willed from birth, where my son was so mild as a baby it was almost surreal. But the basics when adapted to fit each individual child, I think, hold true.

What is a Strong Willed Child?

Do you know what a strong willed child is?

I found this amazing definition you can read here!

I loved this definition because, it broke down different traits common in strong willed children.

The traits include:

• Persistance

• Inflexibility

• High mental power in other words creativity and imagination

• High physical energy

• Determination

Are not these talents we want as adults?!?!?

So why do so many adults want to 'break' these habits in kids?!?!?!

Yes, it is highly difficult to parent these traits!

However, the site also says,
"Strong-willed children are the ones who mature into adults who have an extra dose of grit and tenacity to effectively make a positive mark on, not only their immediate surroundings, but the entire world."

Wouldn't you be proud of your child if this described them? Lets take these traits and find the good in them rather then just see the negative and try to 'break' them out of our children.

Quote time

A great quote that I found through Pinterest that can be seen here. 

Fighting against over-parenting

      As a parent of a strong willed child, it is not too easy to become what society calls a 'helicopter parent.' A helicopter parent is in essence someone who will not let his of her child go. They are the parents who set such high expectations for their kids that they are setting them up to fail. Or shelter them from anything that might hurt. Times magazine had a great article on it entiled, The Growing Backlash Against Over Parenting. Below is a couple of quotes from the article. With strong willed children you learn to pick your battles, usually due to exhaustion. I say lets remind ourselves to Step Back and Pick Our Battles way before we are exhausted.

"Less is more; hovering is dangerous; 

failure is fruitful. 

You really want your children to succeed? 

Learn when to leave them alone. 

When you lighten up, they'll fly higher. 

We're often the ones who hold them down" 

  "People feel there's somehow a 

secret formula for parenting, 

and if we just read enough books 

and spend enough money 

and drive ourselves hard enough, 

we'll find it, and all will be O.K.

Can you think of anything more sinister, 

since every child is so different,

every family is different? 

Parents need to block out the sound and 

fury from the media and other parents, 

 find that formula that fits your family best."

      This is a long article but I promise it is at least worth a skim!

Quote Time

    There is a quote I love from C.S. Lewis. To be honest, I just love C.S. Lewis. He had such an amazing understanding of things, and a beautiful talent with words.

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. 

All other careers exist for one purpose only,

 and that is to support the ultimate career. ” 

  C.S. Lewis

    Now I am not saying you have to be the stereotypical homemaker. In today's world, homemakers come in all shapes and sizes, with all sorts of homes to manage. However, everyone has a home! No matter the size, shape, or issues. we all have a place we call home. While raising strong willed kids, we have to make the home strong, before we can empower them for the better.

Quote Time

      I caught this on Cheaper by the Dozen 2. Kind of random I know, but the quote I thought went great with parenting strong willed children. Actually, both the first and second movies are worth watching if you are raising/caring for a strong willed child. But I digress... so here is the quote.

"The trick to parenting is simple. 

  Forget the past. 

  Engage in the present. 

  And believe in the future."

                                       Katie Baker, played by Bonnie Hunt

If a child struggles somewhere... Embrace it!

      There are a lot of people who are anti-school or are pro-school. I do not think one side is right or wrong, because I am a strong believer that each kid is unique and parents should do what is best for his or her own child, and what fits with the family dynamics. No matter what side you are one this is an amazing video on embracing kids and their 'difficulties.'

     This also reminds me of a Great Article  I have read, it is about a few very successful people with ADHD. And the reason they are so successful is because they had parents who empowered them, rather then break them. Even if your child does not have ADHD, there are approaches to children with ADHD that work great with strong willed kids. One of these people was Michael Phelps, whose mother embraced his diagnosis of ADHD and learned to empower him. The key ingredient in these stories is a parent who took the time to know their children.